I like the changes. Really beautiful, just like the first time. But the separation into stanza adds in these nice breaths. I was just practicing piano before I read this so I'm seeing the change in structure like rests, or the sustain pedal. It's a lovely effect.
‘The mere fire of your existence’ that's awesome.
Thank you, Cynthia! 🙏
Sure thing.
I like the changes. Really beautiful, just like the first time. But the separation into stanza adds in these nice breaths. I was just practicing piano before I read this so I'm seeing the change in structure like rests, or the sustain pedal. It's a lovely effect.
Thank you, Tara! 😊
(Shy person high-five!)
This poem is gorgeous.
🫸🫷
Thank you!
Interesting to contrast the two versions, Adam. Yes, I think the second improves the first.
Thanks, Thomas! I think so, too. I'm happy with the changes.
(They are both good. 🙂).
Great title!
Thanks, Brian! :)
This poem is just amazing, Adam.
Wow, thank you, LeeAnn. :) That means a lot. I’m glad you like it.
I love that the new stanza… burns an absence. Good choice.
And “The mere fire/ of your existence…” what a line.
Thanks, David! I appreciate the comment. :)
I love this, and I like the subtle revision from the original. Something about things being split into threes . . .
Thank you, Jane! I like threes, too. And I’ve found that posting poems weekly has somehow made me a lot more enthusiastic about stanzas. 🤷♂️
Thanks for commenting!